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The Bad Decision Bar: the kind of place where one quick drink leads to one quick ride home on the MAX, where you sleep past your stop only to awaken with four texts from "Stripper, Vegan," and someone else's pants on. Between an ATM that only dispenses $50s, a bar that only gives change in fake blood-stained $2 bills, its in-the-boondocks location, and strippers that encourage touching, no better recipe for disaster exists in Portland.

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If you’ve ever worked in the industry, or know someone who has, then you’re well aware of Rialto’s absurdly large pours, which sound awesome but usually just lead to you being woken up in Pioneer Place Mall by a police officer who wants you to do what you can't remember deciding to do at RP: leave.

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And drinking strong fishbowl drinks like Long Islands or the sugary Purple Alien, there are only three places you can go: across the street for an ill-advised B Bertha's gryo, into the inevitable street fht outside of Sewickys, or into a diabetic coma. After waiting upwards of three hours to get in, not to mention the 20 minutes for one of their roving bartenders to stop by, you mht start to question whether coming to get one of the cocktails being carefully prepared in front of you was a bad decision. If you're a whiskey fan, Multnomah Whisky Library in Portland is worth a trip.You will inevitably fail when you give in to the urge to do the Roger Rabbit or the Sprinkler in front of a bunch of hot chicks on the glowing LED-lit dance floor. You’re drinking, dancing or eating, having a good time. Now the bar's closing, so you go next door to the bgest party hotel in the city. Roaming bartenders serve drinks from bar carts, and they know more about whiskey than you ever will, so trust them.

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This question won’t surface again until the next morning, however, when you realize that spending all that time to get You'll go into this '80s- and '90s-themed dance bar looking to hook up. It starts with a trip to the Doug Fir, probably for a show or late-nht snack. There aren’t many solid sports bars in Portland, so darkening the doors at one of these fine establishments means you'll probably decide talking to the random sports fan next to you can't be that bad, can it? This dive-y boozer's dank smell will probably make you decide to go somewhere else after too long, and the steeply reduced beer/booze price on their happy hour menu will probably make it somewhere like Dirty Nhtclub. One of the best whiskey bars in the country, it has more than 1,500 whiskeys stacked along a huge brick wall, and in true library fashion, they're accessible by a sliding ladder.


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